Jornal Reptiliano

Abriu um novo centro de satanismo, os J.O.S. Um centro do melhor. Queiram escutar a voz de Jesus Satânico, lider da seita.

"De que forma se pratica a espiritualidade na sua seita?"

"The Great Pink Space BallThe great pink space ball is the higher self of your demonic being, and the demons speak to you through the Pig Pink Space Ball in different voices. There are other space balls different shapes, sizes and colors and even textures but the Big Pink on means that you are very satanicly evolved through powa meditation. Now the hairier the better with it comes to the Big One because being more hairier means the more evolved the Pink Space ball is. However, if you see the other space balls then you are doing Very well and in touch with the angelic demons. Powa meditation is meditation where you feel the Powa, the Powa of the Lord Satanic Jesus. You feel the satanic holy spirit flow through your chockers, "energy centers," and you start speaken in tongues. Tongues meaning, "seiriosdfiiiiieeettteiiietijw2ojrdfsf" and you feel a Big Fat tongue of Fire go up through your butt hole up through the crown chocker. Oh what great spiritual bliss you will feel. Then you will shout out loud, Hail Jesus! Praise Satan! Getting StartedBy sitting lotus posision like having your tail between your legs and feel the Powa surge through each chocker starting through the base on up all seven. You will say ddddddddd dooooooooo pppooooooo moooooo kooooooooo pppppeeeeee wwwwweeeeee and it is like C*M coming out of the top of your head. Be careful that your head doesn't spin around like on the Ecorcist, that can be quite uncomfortable. Then you will float off into space land like a space cadet and get in touch with your demon guide and eventually you will see the Great Pink Space ball. Remember the hairier the better.The Staff wish you luck on this spiritual journey, but you MUST have us talk you through the meditation all the way. You have to check in with us and ask all kinds of questions to make the staff feel like we are worth something. It is good for our self esteem you see because we live in run down trailers and say Heil Hitler all of the time. So please consult us before Every space journey.Hail Father Jesus!


The chocker system is a very complication system for the chockers represent the "black son" you know that Nazi thingy that looks like a black spiter. So the Nazi thingy starts spinning around in your chockers centers of your body and as they open up, the jews cannot take advantage of you you know. Having the chockers open up makes the jews run the other way. Really we are not nearly as good as the Jews are and we are jsut trailer trash but we need to pick on a classy group of people the Jews to make us feel better about ourselves. So open your chockers today so the Black Jew Space Balls will not inharit your body.

Also, the little green men are the demons that we call friends. And ifwe tune into their guidence, they will whisper in our ears and tell usright from wrong, good from evil. Now we are at JoS really confusedbecause what is right for one person is not for another like taking adump on the side walk. It is very right for some folks and they do itwhen they get the urge mooning the whole neighborhood in the process.Iz it wrong to take a doo doo on the side walk? Why no it isn't becausethere is not right from wrong, doo dooo whatever you choose to. And whocares what the neighbors say for you are doing what YOU feel is rightnot what everyone else thinks.



Neste momento Shiva entrou na sala "Learn to speak proper english"


"Senhor J.S., como defeniria a sua seita?"

"We believe that Jesus is for Satan and Satan is for Jesus. We do get it confused at times but we worship the 2 as 1. Both Jesus and Satan is a true alien God from the planet "Wotussy" Two gods in one so we are not in contreversy with ourselves. But we do get things twisted around at times such as inverting Satanism into Christianity and the other way around. You get the general idea. Blessed are those who walked through the gates of hell, or should I say heaven and joined this church tonight. You will be blessed by the Satanic Jesus. Good, evil there is no good or evil there is just is and we are IT boys and girls. We are the one race the superior race hand picked and chosen by Christ Satan for his job at hand the rest are just wanttobees. The rest of the human race is crap, junk. So if chirst Satan appears to you as a Large Pink SPACE BALL then you Know it is the True God!"

Neste momento irrompeu pela sala uma acólita, que se identificou pelo nome de 666 solitária, falando para o gravador organico vivente no timpano do nosso jornalista reptiliano:

"I have been talking with the great space pink ball and it has informedme that we are to bow down to a Miss Cat and a new god has arrived heis the god of misspelled words he is an agry god that is all the greatpink space ball has toled me"


Finalmente Adão empurrou esta senhora e tomou a palavra:

"Opinions are like assholes everyone has one, except some stinkworse than others." My point is if you don't know what the hell youare talking about then shut the fuck up. Us, superior humans don'tneed to hear your bullshit anymore!"

De volta ao Jesus Satânico:

"Yes, we are ALL satanic sinners in the Satanic Jesus's eyes. We all need to get on our knees and be purged of the green nectar of enlightenment. We all are human and have assholes and we must clean ourselves out of the impurities that life has brought to us. Drink you Xlax and be clean of sin. Blessed be the Satanic Christ!

HP 777=777=777=777=777"

Neste momento Shiva voltou a interferir, falando em belo portugues:
"Porém, desta vez, venho como vitorioso Dionisio, que transformará o mundo num feriado permanente"

E por agora o jornal já revelou demasiados segredos para uma humanidade despreparada!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/J_o_S/